I found an awesome map, it satisfy my apperciation of maps and comedy – it’s Overplot, which is a mashup of Overheard in New York. It is the funniest thing ever! I only read very few but here’s some that cracks me up:

[Union Square]

Guy on cell: Hi honey, what trendy little shithole will we be dining at tonight?

Woman: I don’t care how fucking amazing it is, it’s a mousetrap. I don’t need to see it.

Wheelbo: Can anyone help me out? Anyone? Can anyone help me out with a hundred thousand dollars?

Man: Is this kosher?
Vendor guy: Um…there’s kosher salt in the bacon.

Promoter guy: Do you guys like comedy?
Girl #1: We hate laughter.
Girl #2: Sunshine and happiness too.

Guy: I’m a NyLon.
Girl: A what?
Guy: A NyLon. New York-Londoner.
Girl: Oh, well, I’m a NoInt.
Guy: NoInt?
Girl: Yeah, Not Interested.

Sista #1: Looka there! A naked squirrel! Look like he got burnt or somebody shaved him down the middle.
Sista #2: People be eatin’ squirrels now.
Sista #1: Look like he have a mohawk.
Sista #2: It’s a little squirrel torture place somewhere. Somebody done that to him.
Sista #1: It’d have to be someone who was raised in the woods. Know how to handle a squirrel.

Girl on cell: No, I don’t know what a gazebo is! She don’t know what a gazebo is either! Yeah, just look for that thing that looks like a little house. We’re right next to that.

Woman: Wait, aren’t dinosaurs mammals?
Man: Um. They’re reptiles, honey.
Woman: Oh. Right.
Man: You have two master’s degrees?
Woman: But not in lizardology!

[Williamsburg]
Girl: I went to Boston this weekend. Mostly just to avoid the L train.

Woman: Yeah, well, I’m gonna slap the fuckin’ lesbian right out of her!

Guy: I should call her. She’s probably taking off her pants right now.

Hipster girl: I can’t believe this. Even with the strike, I have to call in and pretend to be telecommuting.
Hipster guy: Hey! I have to pretend to be academic.
Hipster girl: I have to fake accounting numbers.
Hipster guy: I have to feign interest in boring topics and then pretend I know enough about them to say something of interest.

Guy: I feel like my mother’s Jewish eyes are looking at me from every car.

Chick #1: So, that girl from Japan is paying double rent, right? $1600 on her apartment here, and $1800 on the other apartment where she was living. I asked her how she could afford both places and she told me that her Mom and her sister died in a plane crash.
Chick #2: Holy shit! Which plane crash?
Chick #1: I don’t know, one in Japan.
Chick #2: So she’s rich now, right?
Chick #3: That’s how my friend moved to Miami.

[Madison Square Garden]
Woman: Do your gay thing and get us up ahead of this line full of teenage girls!
Queer: All right! “Girl…I need to get me a t-shirt! Move this Long Island trash outta my way!”
Teen girl: Please! Whateva Jersey!
Woman: Oh my god! She knew you were from Jersey!

Girl #1: Man, I really want some cigarettes, but I don’t have any cash.
Girl #2: Sorry, I don’t have any cash either.
Girl #1: Look, I found a 20! God like totally wants me to smoke.

[Apple Store, midtown]
Fashion queer #1: I wish the new Apple store sold food.
Fashion queer #2: They should sell food — then it would be, like, one-stop-shopping on our lunch hour.

[42nd & 5th]
Chick: Do you know why I can’t walk on this side of you on the sidewalk?
Guy: Why?
Chick: You’re gonna laugh…
Guy: I’ll laugh no matter what.
Chick: ‘Cause this is not my side of the bed.
Guy: What?
Chick: If we were laying on my bed I wouldn’t be on my side.
Guy: What? Yes you would. If we’re laying on our backs this would be your side of the bed.
Chick: But I sleep on my stomach…
Guy: We’re walking in the street, there is no bed!

Girl: See, New York City doesn’t get windy because all of the buildings block the wind.
Guy: Actually, all of buildings create wind tunnels.
Girl: Is that why it’s so windy?

[Grand Central]
Guy #1: Get out of the way! You’re in the walking lane and
people are trying to pass.
Guy #2: What walking lane? Only an idiot would walk on an elevator. People who walk are idiots.
Guy #1: This is called an escalator.

Director man: Excuse me, we’re trying to shoot this scene, please move out of the way.
Chick: Excuse me? I’m trying to catch a motherfcking train. I think you can film a movie some other damn place, but I’m trying to catch a motherfcking train and this is where they keep them: in Grand fcking Central.

Girl #1: I am, like, so obsessed with Asian guys. He is so great. I would so date him.
Girl #2: Date him? But he’s gay.
Girl #1: Those are my favorite kind of Asians.

Teen girl: New York is the best country in the world.

Guy #1: Oh my god, I know. I heard Versace is having a huge sale!
Man: Shut up, you damn queer!
Guy #2: He’s just mad because he can’t even spell Versace.

[Moma]
Dad: All I know is right now, somewhere, an artist is sitting back and laughing at us.
Little girl: Or if he’s in Australia, he might be sleeping.

Dad: Wow, this is just like Great Adventure. Where are all the rollercoasters?

[Times Sq]
Teen on cell: So how do I get to your office? Wait, which way is east? Towards the river? What river? I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF TIMES SQUARE, I DON’T SEE A FUCKIN RIVER! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ASK SOMEONE WHERE THE FUCKING RIVER IS? MANHATTAN’S AN ISLAND, THERE’S RIVER ALL OVER THE PLACE!

Tourist girl, Pointing at a set of glass windows: Hey, isn’t that where Carson Daly lives?

Related posts:

1. More from Overplot

Tagged: Humor