I haven’t been blogging much this past week, I was once again find myself lost in my thought. It’s a funny feeling when you realize your potential targets are no longer obtainable. Pick yourself up and move on? it’s easier said than done, especially when all you get is disappointment. My friend said at least you are puting yourself out there, trying this year. Maybe it is better this year, I hang out with four guys, all of them went no where, one of them disappeared after one date, one become a distant friend, one become a close friend who probably secretly think I am an idiot and should act my age, one is an underage natural flirt who is sadly more mature than I am. At least I hang out a lot, I had fun, it’s better than last year when there was just one European curious straight! Is it really better though? Last year at least A1 cared about me deeply, I could feel his affection despite he being a possibly straight. I was happy, it felt like I was closer to what I want than ever before, eventhough I know it wasn’t. This year, I didn’t feel any of that, I feel hopeful at first, but that quickly faded for each of the guys. Maybe none of them actually think of me as more than a friend for even a second~ All I know is, I can’t seems to trust my own judgement when it come to guys anymore. This year is more than a half way through already, and I am no where near my goal. Will this year be a bust even when I was actually puting more work in it than ever before? I hope not, because I don’t think I can keep it up for another year.

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