(500) Days of Summer begins with the narrator describing Tom Hansen’s belief system, “The boy, Tom Hansen of Margate, New Jersey, grew up believing that he’d never truly be happy until the day he met the one. This belief stemmed from early exposure to sad British pop music and a total mis-reading of the movie ‘The Graduate’….” I love this movie because Tom Hansen has the same belief system as I do.  And just like Tom, when someone showed any indication of liking the exact same thing that I like, same hobby, same whatever, I would use that information to judge if this person is “the one.”  And if this person doesn’t feel the same romantically, I would still believe this person should be in my life, as friends.  Because anyone that is so similar in nature, in interests, should be join together like a Siamese twins!  In the movie, Tom’s sister said this, “Just because she’s likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn’t mean she’s your soul mate.”  When I heard that, I thought she was talking to me too! And it is true, all of those things mean nothing at all.  That is my conclusion of failure after failure over the years, not only from relationship, but from friendship as well.

I always over-analyze any new guys that I meet.  Almost immediately I would analyze what we have in common, make a mental chart in my head, counting.  The more alike the more points this person got.  That is even before I even look at the romantic compatibility and physical attraction!  I was like a crazy nut job who over think everything!  And for what? Nothing ever works!  This belief system is completely broken, then why should I still follow it? So after last month, I stop doing all this.  I also stop being a snob who judge other people because they have a different value or moral system.  I stop striking people out way before the interaction develops in its own natural path.  I would still hold a certain standards of what I like and what I want, but other than that, everything goes, anything can happen.

The only question I would ask myself, whenever I meet someone new, whoever this person or their roles in my life will be, is this, “how much does it pains me if this person disappear tomorrow?”  If the answer is a lot, then I would ask myself one additional question, “do I have the courage to continue the interaction, knowing that pain is just around the corner?”  That’s it, just two simple questions, no more overanalyze all the likes and dislikes, all the common hobby and interest, I am done with it all.

Related posts:

1. Year End reflection
2. Versions of Me
3. Birthday Talk
4. My first best friend
5. Subway state of mind

Tagged: 500 Days of Summer · Personal